Big Damn Writers 1

I know I harp endlessly on this, but I feel that I represent a minority whose voice is not being heard. I tried—politely!—pointing out a few of these issues, on TVTropes, only to have my edits undone (as Unthink, one presumes—we can't afford dissension, what with the war with Eastasia).

Anyway. Ahem:

Joss Whedon cannot write science fiction.

Now, Firefly is not a bad show; it's infinitely more watchable than the new BSG, and a couple of the characters are likeable. But it is utter crap considered as SF.

I don't even really mind that it's so bad (though people not realizing how bad it is, kinda pisses me off), but I think it can actually be used as an example of what not to do. Even I felt a little weird harping on this at full length again, but it occurred to me I can use it as a teachable moment. So, such as it is, here it is.

Let us consider the cultural setting. I have touched on the fact Zoe and Wash apparently think of spaceships as a natural part of science-fiction, despite them being so common Mal can afford one; I have mentioned that whole "Buddhist monastery in a brothel", thing. But also...what the hell is with the Alliance? Yeah, I already mentioned the Hands Of Blue guys (and how nobody would use agents who are that noticeable), but that's just the tip of the iceberg. Would you really give your telepaths super-soldier training? Wouldn't you want your super-soldiers unable to read your mind if you're thinking, y'know, "I'm sending these guys to their deaths"? And that scientist, bringing a senator with access to state secrets in to tour the facility full of potentially hostile telepaths? Yeah, nobody saw how that could be a bad idea. Aside from the fact he probably wouldn't do it in the first place even if he could, how come he could? How the hell did he have the clearance to invite the guy, and how come nobody stopped the senator from doing that intensely stupid thing?

And then there is the Operative. This guy: your assassin? I could see him as some kind of mad genius hired by the Alliance, but he's a suit, basically a Man In Black. Nobody who works for an outfit like that would ever be that colorful. I mean seriously, Whedon, the man's ideal is a world without sin and conflict, not Outer Heaven! I know you're a comic book writer, but step back and consider like a grown man: do real government agents act anything like that? Also, even putting aside how colorful he is, no pro assassin is going to kill people the way the Operative does. He might fight them to a standstill and then deliver a parting shot (or even parting speech), but he won't paralyze them with nonsense-jutsu, speechify, and then hold his sword up (at a very awkward angle by the way) and sorta hope they fall just right. It's just not efficient.

So there's the cultural setting problems. How to fix them?

The thing with Wash and Zoe is easily fixed—just ask "What do the characters know?" rather than "What does the audience know?" I know, pretty basic, but apparently Whedon needs it explained. As for the Buddhism thing, well, aside from "don't be a subconscious racist with bizarre views on sex and gender", the answer is just, "do your research."

As for the telepath super-soldiers: it helps, when designing a secret evil project (lord knows my story's got a couple of them), to consider what it's for. Aristotelian, ain't it? If you want them for their psionics, you need to figure out how they train their powers, and how their mundane masters control them. Helps to have something that'll protect against telepathy, too.

As for the guy giving the Senator a tour: there're probably better ways for that plot development to happen, period (River accidentally remote-views a top-secret briefing, or something), but if you still choose to have it go that way, you've got to mention that it wouldn't ordinarily be permitted—maybe the Senator in question is just that high up. Despite Whedon being the one who popularized the expression "lampshade hanging", he doesn't seem to understand how to use it, other than for irritatingly self-conscious PoMo jokes.

Finally, the Operative and the Hands Of Blue: at least pretend you understand how assassination works, and what a government agency is. What are their objectives, and how will they achieve them? If your answer is, "Liquefy people's brains" or "paralyze people, give them a set speech, and then kill them with the deadly technique inherited from my master, Rube Goldberg", you need to stick to writing Magical Girl stories.

Next, I address the science.