Remember Reach

So I rented Halo:Reach a few days ago, and damn, is it ever a mixed bag. The ending's really depressing, the whole part with Cortana was confusing as hell, and Kat should've stuck around longer. All in all I think I give it a 6? On a scale of 1-10.

Yeah. Let's see, what didn't I like?

I wish the Covenant forces would speak (be translated into?) English, though it's pretty cool hearing them talk their own language(s?).

I wish they weren't trying to sell us Halsey as "the sorority sister of Guanyin and the Virgin Mary," because she's kinda a jerk.

Honestly, why aren't the Elites that fast when they're on your side? This was actually my first time fighting them, I never played the first two Halos though I know what happens in them, but were they this fast in either of those games? I doubt it.

And I wish to God that the damn UNSC forces could drive. No, seriously, how many of the casualties in the Earth-Covenant War were just inadvertantly run down by the UNSC Marines total incompetence with vehicles?

That's it. I did like the new vehicles, the Skirmishers, the needle rifle, the plasma repeater, and those little rocket guns the Elites use that are sorta like a faster fuel-rod gun.

I liked everyone on Noble Team, even Emile, especially his awesome death scene (look, you know they all die; the only thing less spoilable than this game is The Passion of the Christ).

I really liked helping out Buck, from ODST; I'm kinda a sucker for that sorta thing in any franchise.

And hey, how about that thing about the Pillar of Autumn taking off with the removable stages? And the Saber launch? In general the spaceships are the weakest things in Halo, the most Roddenberry touch in an otherwise straight Niven franchise, but the amount of power it takes to clear Reach's gravity well made me feel like an eight year old girl whose daddy actually got her the pony. No, seriously, I damn near squeed, I was so happy.

Now if only the Saber's engines had been dark most of the time...

Personally I woulda had you have to eliminate a few human insurrectionists first, and then have you discover the bodies of those ODSTs that were tortured. You think it's the separatists playing dirty, and then you see the plasma burns and the Skirmishers. Hell, maybe have you have to fight alongside the insurrectionists. Yeah, it would've made the game longer, but frankly it was too damn short.

See, my way, it'd play up one of the greatest narrative strengths of the franchise: that the super soldiers that were designed to be a boot on the neck of the colonials were humanity's saving grace. Hell, that's basically the story of the British Empire in the Pacific Theater—an army designed for oppression was used for salvation. The way the Spartan program plays out, all by itself, makes Halo more grownup than the entire ouvres of Whedon and Cameron combined.

All in all, a mostly satisfactory end(?) to the series. Plus, since my SF story involves a lot of fighting with similar tech (though the aliens aren't as fond of energy weapons...and are the good guys), playing it counts as work.

Remember, kids, it's not goofing off if it counts as research.